Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Writing Under Exam Conditions



My mum recently found some old exam papers from when I was eleven. One of them was a short story, written in forty-five minutes. I think it's the earliest story of mine, of which I have a copy.



"Just go through that door and keep going until you reach the tunnel," whispered Louise.

"I'm scared, Mandy!" Susan was trembling as she spoke.

They had been planning this for months, and now the day had finally arrived. They were all nervous!

Eric Jonson was a mean, cruel old man. He had captured the two sisters, Mandy and Susan, and locked them up.

His daughter, Louise, felt sorry for them. She was helping them to escape.

They had dug a tunnel over the nights. Now, that night, they were going to escape!

"You'll be O.K., just follow me," replied Mandy, "be brave or we'll never get out. Now hurry!"

They crept down the narrow passage, it was rather a tight squeeze, but they managed all right.

"HELP!" screamed Susan, "a spider! I-i-it's massive!"

"Shut up," whispered Mandy, sharply, "You'll wake Mr. Jonson and the whole plan'll be ruined!"

Suddenly, the two girls heard a crash. The roof had collapsed in front of them!

"Turn round, Susan! We'll have to go back!" hissed Mandy.

"Why," inquired Susan.

"The roof's collapsed! Quickly, turn round!"

They did, and soon they came to a solid wall of soil. Louise had already started filling in the tunnel.

"We'll starve to death!" wailed Susan. "We'll starve and the massive great spiders'll eat us!" and with that she broke down into violent sobs.

Meanwhile, at the top of the tunnel, Louise packed the shovel away.

'Daddy shouldn't find out now,' she thought, walking away from the site of the tunnel, and leaving Mandy and Susan trapped.

They tried to dig an exit with their hands, but to no avail. It only made their situation worse!

Eventually, Mandy gave up. She fell into a deep sleep from which she never awoke. A few days later the same thing happened to the heartbroken Susan.

10 years later, Louise found the courage to report her father to the police.

He was charged with the capture and imprisonment of innocent children and jailed for 8 years. When they later found the bodies, he was re-tried for murder and found guilty.

Even Louise hardly cried when she heard he had been jailed for life.

She went to live with her grandparents and was a lot happier than she had been at any other time in her life.

=====

For anyone who's ever wondered when I started writing plots with a high body count... I think this proves it's always been a tendency in my writing! I did get a funny look from a stranger the other day when I was overheard commenting to a writing buddy that "I often kill people I like."

It was very funny to read something that I wrote so long ago, and that I had no memory of writing. I definitely went overboard with the exclamation marks, didn't I?

There was also a planning sheet to help with plotting the story - mine includes such classic lines as "They have not done anything wrong. It is not a proper jail."

3 comments:

Rachel said...

My mother used to mark KS3 English, and says there's a high body-count in a lot of the scripts. There's also a high incidence of trauma, neurosis, and assorted other violence which might explain why English teachers are sometimes so wary of the students they teach!

Kazzy said...

Funny about your comment being overheard. Maybe she called the cops and they are looking for you right now. :)

Jenny Woolf said...

You were a talented kid. And it's VERT exciting story!!!!!!

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